Is it normal to have a death wish and to be consumed with the idea of death? I seem to look for risky behavior all the time and pay for it in bad health? like example, if i shouldn’t take blood pressure pills because it could lower my blood pressure, it makes it a lot more attractive to do? Its like im attracted to things im not allowed to do. anything that will hurt my heart i will do because i like to see how much my body can actually handle. I dont have unprotected sex though because i am still a virgin – so i dont risk in that area. i dont want to pregnant but i like risking my health to the brink of death. I’ve had psychiatric help and they all say its apart of my Borderline Personality Disorder. Is that all this obsession is apart of, my disorder?